Monday, March 16, 2009
CONFORMATION...no longer neccessary
Continuing with my self improvement theme and being more self aware...in recent weeks the focus has shifted more to the physical. My looks, my hair and my body(somewhat). Just shedding the layers of inaccurate self image and getting to the origins of these unrealistic beauty standards. In doing so i made a decision to get back to "Natural Me". This entails loosing the weave, amongst other things. Easier said than done. Like most hurdles the process has been more mental than anything else. It didn't take long before the self probing questions started flowing. " Why is it so hard to let go? What am i afraid of? Are these "enhancements" so much a part of me that i can't go without? Do i feel "less than" without them?" It took from the time of my last blog post till now for me to find the true answers to these questions. I had to be honest with myself and finally admit that the ideology of beauty that i held on to was so narrow and limited that i barely measured up to those standards without my "enhancements". Dont get me wrong, I've always recognized my God given beauty, never had doubts about that...however, over time with all the imagery and beauty campaigns on television and in videos and print ads and their lack of images reflecting beauty like my own, i began to conform to those standards instead of my own. So anyway, i finally sorted it all out and put my plan into action. I felt so empowered and positive about my journey I had to share the feeling. I decided to extend an invite to a couple of people closest to me to join me. Boy was that a mistake!
As i proceeded to share the details of my plan, my enthusiasm was met by unwelcomed criticism and flatout opposition.
HOW OFTEN DO WE SEEK APPROVAL /AGREEMENT , WE DON'T GET IT , AND DUE TO THEIR VOICE BEING LOUDER IN OUR HEADS THAN OUR OWN WE QUESTION OUR ORIGINAL REASONING LIKE "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"
Lucky for me that wasn't the case this time. I had INVESTED (not spent) the time in searching my true feelings and thoughts on the issue and had already established that bottomline this is about me and bettering myself. Fully aware that others may not be at the same stage in their lives, and i am fully prepared to venture on my own. NO CONFIRMATION NECCESSARY! Alot of times our own voice isn't strong enough for us to fight or even question the reasoning behind people's opposing opinions.
There's nothing wrong with calling up our BFF's or our mom or significant other at the end of a trying day or a challenge to confide in them or weigh their opinions against our own in regards to events that transpired and how we handled them. However, lets work on being more SELF SUFFICIENT, developing our own opinions, making our own decisions, and following our instincts. When it calls for it the loudest voice in our heads should be OUR OWN. It should be about "me". So that despite of opposition we stay true to what is best for us.
This wasn't the end of my ephiphany. Me idealizing long straight hair as a standard of beauty was just the tip of the iceberg. I questioned "what other stipulations do I put on my own beauty?" I started to make a note of things, literally, that i talk myself out of due to popular opinions. The list included things like " I don't wear turtle necks b/c it tends to look better on a long lean frame, which i am not." Now this is a minor one, thats besides the point, but for years i've restricted myself in one area or another because someone's opinion turned rule was louder in my head than my own voice. So my challenge for you is to do the same. Invest some time getting reacquainted with YOU and on a daily basis make a note of things you talk yourself out of doing, eating, wearing, unwritten rules you seamlessly follow based on someone's opinion. You'll be surprised at how much Power you take back over yourself after only a short time of doing this excercise. Feel free to comment or leave me a note in my Cbox sharing these perceptions and opinions that you've rid yourself of.