The Pressure to be Pretty

" You don't have to be pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-worker, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe pretty to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked FEMALE"

Erin "A Dress a Day"

Just my luck discovering the above quote right when i was feeling like the pressure to always be "on" was upon me. I can honestly say i am a fickle person. I obsess about something until i exhaust it's appeal and then I'm done with it for a while, in worse case scenarios sometimes forever. However, there's one thing that has always been synonymous with me and that is being "pretty". I've always been loyal to making sure my hair above all is always done and that I'm fashionable. Now you may or may not agree that I'm a pretty girl, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but pretty in the sense that I'm always pleasing to look at. I'm always presentable! As impossible as that may be, I'm a slave to trying to proving it to be true. I wouldn't dare leave my house if i wasn't sure of myself. I have no qualms about declining on certain experiences if i don't have an outfit to suit the occasion. Even in the cases where the situation doesn't merit a specific attire. I've never been the "throw on some Juicy sweats to run to the corner store" typa girl. I don't do ponytails since one may get the impression that i'm slack about my appearance, and i can't have that. Me? You buggin! For the most part the effort i put into my appearance has always paid off and looking good have, after all, gotten me my current reputation of a "Pretty girl", some may even say "Diva" , "she's always so stylish". One would be happy with that right? Smh.

Having the "pretty" stamp of approval by all is about it's only reward, and it's easily revoked. It's a job, and it doesn't pay well . "Pretty" also doesn't play well with others. I've had to sit on the sidelines of my life in order to always remain primmed and proper. If i couldn't excercise and still be pretty id opt out. I was always "fashionably late" cause i wasn't going to head out on time if it meant i had to compromise me being "pretty". Never mind the fact that it was important to show up on time and show a friend or family member my support. Nope pretty outweighted whatever their cause was.

In some cases cases "pretty" can't co-exist wit others either. Once you've achived that ultimate acholade of the pretty girl and you decide you want to persue other interests those who knew you before make it hard for you to shed your old skin. They may doubt that your even capable of anything else. You may also doubt yourself. Doubt that you have more to offer other than being pleasant to look at. Any way i digress....like the author of the quote pointed out it's ok to be pretty but it should be one amongst many other facets that make you great! "In the hierarchy of importance "pretty" stands several rungs down from happy, is way below healthy, and if done as a penance, or an obligation, can be so far away from independent(who you really are within) that you may have to squint really hard to see it in the haze".

At the end of the day i don't want to only be remembered or revered for being pretty. There's more to me... and to you. One shouldn't be pressured to always be pretty because females are supposed to be. Don't feel bad if you take time away from "pretty" to pursue other interests.

More to life...

Disclaimer: The point of the post was not to draw attention to personal appearance or to paint a picture of myself to be perceived or judged a certain way. It is more for you to see where you stand on the topic and how you judge others that don't measure up to the standard of "Pretty".

Make-up

I'm no different from the next girl. We share an obsession with makeup and fashion. However, often times this obsession conflicts with our spirits and inwardly we yearn to be proud of our natural beauty. Makeup is meant to be an enhancement. Its not meant to define our beauty...that gift was God given.

Going Natural

So much topics to post on...don't know where to start...but i'll start working on them

Quote

" The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for

-Maureen Dowd

"The One"

"It's the moment you realize someone knows you well enough to see the sum total of all your flawed parts and decides you're worth more than your shortcomings"

-Belle in Brooklyn

Believe in ABUNDANCE!!

I was having a conversation with a young lady recently. She's a few years my junior but as far as experience goes she, contrary to her age she has alot of growing up to do. I was compelled to enlighten her but hesistated, because we all know volunteered information is often discarded just as easily as it is attained. I wished that I could share some of what I've been blessed to learn. She had been unemployed for some time, and in this economy was lucky to find a job. She bragged about her hourly pay rate and it saddned me to learn that she was being drastically underpaid. See, where she comes from her friends and peers deemed her income more than sufficient. Not because it was enough to afford her her lifestyle but because they themselves had never been offered that amount before.

I didn't know where to begin so I simply told her "BELIEVE IN ABUNDANCE"I proceeded to encourage her by simplify things. "Let's say you make $30,000 annually. For your employer to be able to pay you that amount they have to be making well in the 6 figures to cover that when the cost of their living arrangement alone runs them approx. $60,000 to rent. I'm not going to go further into the details but after I broke it down she began to see the picture I was painting. I wanted her to comprehend that although it's not her reality at this point in her life, she has to believe in ABUNDANCE and not compromise her worth.

I myself was in the exact situation. Once I realized how much money a company makes off of my effort I knew they were more than capable to pay me more. I left that position and was unemployed for some time. There were times doubt got the best o me but I believed to my core in ABundance. Surely enough I got the exact amount I was seeking for a more gratifying less stressful position.

Belief in abundance doesn't just apply to financial circumstances. I first learned of the concept through dealing with matters of the heart. My course of actions were
the same. I knew my worth and when he didn't seem to fully realize, I closed the chapter on that relationship. He was a great guy, treated me well...spoiled me monetarily in fact. He was consistent,thoughtful and generous. He just wasn't fully committed emotionally when I was . A year after that relationship ended Is met the man if my dreams and this past September he proposed. None of this happened over night (of course not)but all throughout I believed that what I wanted and deserved was out there... and it was. BELIEVE!!!!!!!!

HMMM

Your so busy trying to be someone else...who'd ever wanna be you???

...wait! think about it

Talking myself out of...

Over the past 6 months I've been working on yet another list. This one is compiled of ideas I've had about activities, places i want to visit, and thing's I've wanted to try in general and the thoughts that immediately follows them that ultimately disables me from actually fulfilling these idea. I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of this...talking myself out of something. It's good to have a conscience in situations that are questionable and instead of being black and white they appear grey. That's not what I'm referring to. Rather, it pertains to times you may want to try something but your negative self talk immediately dismisses it. Your conquest is met with excuses and justifications as to why you shouldn't even attempt to make things happen. Because This process goes over so smoothly from initiation to conclusion without missing a beat and you even noticing it...until you have the idea once more. This is due to the fact that whatever you "believe" your brain instantly searches for its references to make it true. When this happens who's voice do you hear? There's always a voice, who's is it...your own? Society? An Authority figure? Perhaps your mother (they mean well but contrary to popular beliefs don't always know best)?

I'll share with you one of my own. I always badger myself about not exercising and being lazy. I'm just not willing to do all that it would take to get the results that i ultimately want. I trick myself into starting off slow and moving in the right direction by doing little things like drinking more water. I tell myself if i master my 8 cups a day I'll know within myself that I'm ready to get the ball rolling. I've never made it past that step. See i know myself well enough that i wasn't prepared to do the work from the jump, so i gave myself a way out. I talked myself out of it.

Right now, I'm simply writing the list. I want to bring to the forefront all the things i haven't been honest with myself about. The more time passes by the less things i add to the list each month. This process has helped me to discover things that defines me. Habits that makes me who i am, both the ones i like, dislike, and other i simply cannot accept. Through this process I've finally figured out how to create PERMANENT CHANGE. The ones that work best for me.

Just thought I'd share. What things would make your list? What kind of conversations are you having with yourself? Write them down. I bet a few that makes the list will surprise you.

From Tragedy comes clearity...

Tragedy reveals real truth. We dread tragedy occuring in our own lives, but usually the times we survive our lives are instantly filled with new meaning. Has there ever been a time that we've had these revelations so dramatic from normal everyday occurances? Like an epiphany? Most likely not. Or if we have its often so minute that we tend to disreguard it. For myself, what i've come to realize is that tragedy, if nothing else is learned, often enlighten's us to the fact that time is not ours to waste. The younger we are the more entitled we feel to lengths of time. Don't wait for the inoppertune time to realize that time is a gift an asset that yields a return of value and should be invested and not spent like a liability (a liability only takes, never returns).